If you have a phone, then you surely must have been at the receiving end of "saar... one credit card... if not for you, then for your wife..." calls. Over time, I have learnt how to politely end the chat with a sweet "thanks. but no thanks". But, if you think sales calls are to have fun, then you must follow what my colleague used to do.

taak and enjai !!!

Conversation 1
Caller : "Sir, You have been selected out of many people to register for our credit card"
He : "Oh really!!!That's wonderful!!! Out of how many people did I win? That's simply superb. I should go and buy a lottery. I think this is my lucky day. Thank you. Bye!!"
click!!!

Conversation 2
Caller : "Sir, would you like to go for our gold credit card? We have fabulous offers like ...."
He : "Madam, would you like to go for our platinum credit card? You don't need to provide any proofs at all. Nice no? And you can get fabulous loans like car loan, cow loan etc."
Caller : "err... Cow loan?"
He : "Yes.. Yes.. We offer loans even if you want to buy a cow, dog, cat, sheep, horse or pig. Also, we ...."
click!!!

Conversation 3
Caller : "Sir, would you like to go for our credit card? We have fabulous offers like ...."
He : "Before all that, I have a query."
Caller : "Sure Sir..."
He : "Select fld_id from contact_master where fld_pid=2000"
Caller : "!!?!??"

Conversation 4
Caller : "Sir, would you like to go for our credit card?"
He : "Well!!! Do you have a violet coloured card?"
Caller : "errr.. Let me check with my manager, Sir.." (brief pause) "No Sir.. We don't have violet, but we have gold coloured card, Sir..."
He : "Gold? No thanks.. You see, I want to have cards of all the colours of the rainbow... I have the rest 6.. this violet no.. I have been searching since long... You really don't have?"
click!!!

Conversation 5
Caller : "Sir, would you like to go for our credit card?"
He : "abba!!! Thank you for calling... Do you do balance transfer from another credit card?"
Caller : "Of course Sir. We do have that option."
He : "That's really wonderful!!! You know... I have received this credit card bill of 75,000.. jeez.. How do they ever expect me to repay that? Will you transfer that balance if I take your card??"
loud click!!!

Everyone has a wishlist... Things that they want... Things that they want to do... "C'mon.. It's Christmas..." - they say, "Blend in..." So... Here I put down top ten things I have already seen/done, and wanna see/do again...

1. go to Alkapuri with college friends and hear Shailu wail - "where's my white lee t-shirt and black chappals".
2. have Kit bowled behind the legs again... A la Warnie...
3. have a school re-union and make Shashi foot my share of the bill(again)...
4. go to Ideals and have a Chocolate Dad, a Gadbad, a Parfait, and a Dilkush back-to-back...
5. go to B.R. Hills and click a photo with the baby elephant.
6. Watch 2 movies for 15 Rupees at Luis.
7. put up dummy college exam results and flunk the class toppers in 7 papers.
8. stand for Class X elections, and pummel the guy who didn't vote for me (had lost the election by a single vote then).
9. go back to Class VI and draw up secret routes and maps to raid the rich jeweller's house (ohmigod... that was total total fun).
10. go go GoA....
    

For me no, so much time happening after writing last blog... So, I thinking that lets me write somethings that brings full gladness to my friends hearts, and laughs at their faces... I no, like this only ya... When all thinking that I gone where-o-where, I suddenly again come for laughs at their faces... I no, even when small trying very hardly for gladness in alls hearts... In school no, I had one Diamond teacher... ayyo stupid fellow... Diamond is her name happening ya... I always trying hardly to laugh at her faces... but she no, always herself hair pulling when I talking English to her... I then not understanding why... paapa Diamond teacher... she my English teacher no... must be then why... she always telling that when I English speaking, that her heart bleeding... So I always saying, I English more speaking till her heart bleeding stopping, and gladness coming... then she again starting hair pulling... why I not understanding ya... till today also not understanding... she no... if she seeing this blog with full eyes, then I sure that gladness surely coming for her... she not having much hair now no paapa... but I liking Diamond teacher muchly... she no, when she sometime scolding me no ya... I looking down to Earth... there I finding her nicely painted fingernails... you know ya... her nails everyday one one colour happening ya... I sometimes not even knowing colour name... for me that only full gladness happening... I then sometimes purposelily speaking English more ya... then she scolding me and I looking down on colour colour nails... if colour good happening, then I telling friends and other childrenses also... they also English speaking and scolding eating to watch colour colour nails.. then for us all full gladness coming... told you no ya... I no, even when small also trying very hardly for gladness in alls hearts...

I in humbleness hopingly hoping for you laugh at face happening, and gladness full coming in heart... no???

Quotes... Sayings... Somethings... Nothings... This'... Thats... I have come across all in my life... Here goes a collection of them -

• After a conversation with a friend - "Reminded me of the good old days... Carefree and wild..."
  
• During one of the bachelor parties - "Jesus turned water to wine. And then Mallya turned wine to beer... Cheers..."
• During a philosophical chat - "If what is thought is not what is said; then what is said is not what is meant."
• Mungaru male - "omme aache hogi nodu... bhayankara male bartaa ide guru... car mele elli branch biddu hogutto anta tension... mungaru male kano... romantic aagi iro..."
• After a conversation with another friend - "You are the best of friends the Lord has ever given me."
• During one of many soul-ful talks - "The happiest moment I can remember in my life, is me holding a balloon and looking at it. Do you understand? *#%*, how can that ever be the happiest moment of my life?"
• During a chat - "maduve aadmele... 10 years younger aagbittidiya... ninna jokes quality nodidre anustha ide... or company change maadiddikka?"
  
• After a failed attempt at changing me - "tu na... kabhi sudhrega nahin... saala..."
• An optimist - "Rithish... chal-na... khud-ki company khol lete hain..."
• Friend back from a stint in Europe, sitting in the back-seat of the car, a newspaper stretched on his lap, going on a two-day trip, - "THIS is life..."

Some say perfection is a myth; that you can only get near to perfection, and that itself is perfect in a way. (my dear wife disagrees though... she yearns for perfection in everything she does...)

Perfection, may not be defined for men, and maybe certainly not for women (am gonna be bashed by the female population for this); but there is certainly something called the perfect movie. The perfect movie is one that covers everything. It has rib-tickling comedy; tear-inducing tragedy; memorable dialogues; star-cast showcasing powerful characters; drama; classic songs; power-packed action; good storyline; and of course a subtle showing of s_e_xuality just enough to titillate the senses.

Mani Ratnam comes near (see Roja & Yuva, and you will know); but even he falters in making the perfect one.

To me, there has and will be only one. The hum angrezon ke zamaane ke jailer hain and ab kya kahe chaachi scenes put me in splits; when Jai died, I cried; the itna sannata kyon hai bhai, and in kutton ke saamne mat naachna dialogues are still etched in my memory; the mere thought of Gabbar used to give me the shivers; I still sometimes hum the ye dosti song; the daaku-chasing-train action scene is classic; the story is wonderful; mehbooba is the mother of all item-numbers.

Sholay !!! THE perfect movie!!! And there can be no better!!!